I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
