I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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