I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize