I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
