at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
