the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
