how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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