when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
