Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
