He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
