dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
