ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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