if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
