Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
