So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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