This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
