Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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