I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize