Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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