um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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