I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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