Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
