Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
