My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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