Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
