just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
