Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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