I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize