dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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