I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
