God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
