i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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