$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
