Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
