everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
