umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
