i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
