VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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