Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
