it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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