If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
