did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
