I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
