I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
