im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize