bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize