I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
