Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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