We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
