You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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