3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
