i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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