My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize