i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
