ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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