So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
