when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
