When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
