In the future we'll all be gay
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
