did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Randomize
