why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
