how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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