He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
