I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize