Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
