Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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