when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
