we're chasing vodka with high fives
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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