That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
