I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
