Old men and throwing up are my life now.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
