paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
