Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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