This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize