I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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