My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
