atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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