I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
