i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
