I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
