If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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