You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
